Be Still My Heart

Over the past three weeks, I have had a lot of time. Normally, time is something I DO NOT have a lot of. Our daily lives are usually very hectic and pulled in a thousand different directions. However, when Tony and I left on June 6th to go to Fort Lauderdale, FL, for a quick anniversary weekend, we had no idea that our little get away would turn into a three-week+ hiatus. We left on June 6th and have had to cancel 3 return flights already because we were advised that it wasn’t safe to return yet. So here we wait….(I’m not a fan of sitting.)

I have asked the Lord many time why we have not been allowed to return to our mission in Haiti during this time. I have watched from afar as other missionary friends of ours have continued to carry on their work in places not far from ours, and I ask, “Lord, why is it they can be there and we can’t?” Although I have seen and heard accounts of the political turmoil Haiti is in and the violence that has ensued as a result, I still ask God why?! Why can’t we just hunker down and wait it out? Why do we have to sit over here waiting and doing nothing? Why have so many teams had to cancel…again? Why? Why? Why?!!!!!

Then the Lord quietly speaks to my spirit and He just says, “Trust me, and pray.”

So every day my first prayer is, “Lord help me to trust You!”

Here we are in the middle of a huge campaign to build a new school, build over 140 desks, 15 chalk boards, purchase teacher desks, filing cabinets, chairs, cooking equipment, and the list goes on and on… and at the same time, teams can’t come in and help! When the flow of teams stops, they use the funds they raised to recover their financial losses or redirect them to another mission, and that leaves our little village standing here with our hands held out, reaching towards Heaven for provision, tears running down our cheeks, begging God to help us trust HIM to provide. …and He asks, “Is that such a bad thing?” ….I am broken. After all, who has provided every other blessing we have received for this village over the last 7 years? Where is my faith? Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” This is a promise that I have learned to COUNT on, and yet I still get anxious.

BGM School 2

We KNOW that God has led us to this point of building our own school. And we KNOW that God moved people even before we began the campaign to contribute to the construction of the school. We’ve been walking on water here!! We know that God has continued to move people to help and support…and yet I get anxious! I begin to sink. Why? …and God says, “THIS is the question you should be asking. WHY do you get anxious?!” His word says, ““Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world” (Psalm 46:10). YES!! This school WILL honor Him! So I pray for His Holy Spirit to still my heart. I pray that no anxiety be allowed to stir my spirit, but that my full trust and faith in Him cause my spirit to be steadfast and calm. …and I pray that He continue to move people to give and support and pray so that HE may be glorified even in these hard times.

The enemy wants me to become disappointed and lose faith. The enemy wants me to worry when I post a request for child sponsors and only two people respond. The enemy wants my disappointment to shake my faith in God’s ability to move His people when I look a the huge financial deficit this political turmoil has brought upon our ability to carry on the very basic tasks set before us. My heart breaks when I have to tell a teenager who lost her sponsor that she can’t go to school next year if she doesn’t get a sponsor. So I don’t tell her. I just pray and ask God to move someone out there to choose her. “But what if they make excuses and don’t choose her?” I ask God. Again, His response is “TRUST ME. I know who to move.”

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So to answer my first question of WHY we are here, He reminds me that HE is God and that I must be still and trust Him….and pray. Will you join me in praying for God to continue to move in our little village and to provide all of the resources needed to build this school, sponsor these kids, and pay our staff to carry on the work needed to be done even when we can’t be there? Will you step out of the boat in faith with me and ask God how He wants to use you? Walking on water can be amazing and a bit scary at the same time, but when we step out in faith to His call, and we realize, “Hey! I’m WALKING ON WATER HERE….WITH JESUS!” Then it gets to be pretty exciting! Just look…….

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So these are my biggest concerns right now, and they are the reason I pour out my heart in words on this post. I can’t look at others and compare my own situation to theirs. I shouldn’t ask why God has me here while they are there and let the enemy turn my questions to anxiety. I simply must focus my eyes and thoughts on God’s guidance and His abundance of provision. I’m here to wait on Him and to TRUST Him. And pretty soon, He’s going to have me walking on water with him again. I can’t wait to get my feet wet!

Here are ways you can help:

Pray for Haiti2


  • Pray that God will move in the political situation in Haiti.
  • Pray that God will continue to provide for the building and opening of the school.
  • Pray that He will speak through us as we have difficult conversations with local leaders.
  • Pray that He will replace lost revenue due to team cancellations so that we can continue to pay the staff that is currently running things in our absence.
  • Pray that He will provide leadership and healing in the local church at Hope Center.


1 Comment

Filed under Haiti

One response to “Be Still My Heart

  1. Carisa Iser

    I hear your heart and love for your Haitian family! I am praying and calling out with you!


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